Now that I've finally stopped procastinating and finally sat down to write this article, i'm hoping that this one will be a success (It's gonna be rather long but i'll try to cut it short)
This article is starring a fictional name called Celment (This name was chosen because it's awesome) from the request of my friends. And as thus, any material found to be offensive CAN be removed (By asking me nicely of course ^^)
The life and times of Celment.
Aged 0 : Popped out of his mother's womb. His doctor immediately commented that he was kinda Ochibi (おちびちゃん) ((A polite way to call someone short))
Aged 3 : Ran amok in the women's toilet
Aged 9 : Met AZH at Concord Primary. Mantained good relationship because he was shunned by the masses for the horrible crime of " As arrogant as a fag " and " Obnoxious as cheese "
Aged 10 : His few friends warn him " Celment , be a moron and you die alone in 50 years time "
Aged 12 : Bootlicked people to try and find a good friend. Still shunned due to him praising his own lousy baguettes (French bread filled with a delicious sauce) and for flirting at the old folk's home.
Aged 13 : Stumbled across something called "Celment you sux" when he declared himself supreme overlord (Chairman) As some form of twisted remedy, he started on hentai.
Aged 13.5 : Attempted to leech off people's kindness by begging like a dog and prostrating himself before people superior to him.
Aged 14 : Started watching hardcore porn ( You hentai! You etchi! ) Attempted to wank but failed due to impotency (Or maybe he's just an eunuch. *offers him neuticles*)
Aged 15 ++ : Met LM. A series of ardous dick-moves were performed by this hypocrite. (You arsch locsh)
Now : Has gone undercover for the moment, assumed to be gay after seen holding hands with another guy
Aged 18 : Forced to do 6 extra weeks of NS because of his scrawny chicken height. Also found to be paranoid when he was afraid that the world would run out of idiots like him.
Aged 19 : Still impotent
Aged 21 : Found a job under a pharmaceutical company. Only obtained the job after licking the secretary's shoes.
Aged 22 : Complained to the boss for not getting a raise because of his woeful incompetence
Conversation ensued as follows :
Boss " I'm sorry Celment, i'm afraid i have to cut your pay. I have no idea why am i doing this either"
Celment " It's because of my idiotic co-workers!"
Boss " I don't suppose you know what's the meaning of teamwork i suppose?"
Celment "Yeah. It just cost me 10% of my pay"
Aged 23 : Started showing off about his revolutionary ability to "see the future" Irritated L so much that he punched his head into his shirt, before shouting " Did you predict that Nostradamus?!" AZH's snide comment " So what does this do to headcount? ^^"
Aged 40 : Paranoia catches up to him as he frantically stuffs himself with food for fear of famine
Aged 45 : Purposely dresses in rags so as to garner sympathy
Aged 45 : Still short
Aged 55 : Degenerated into a "chee ko pek"
Aged 56 : Wanders around red-light districts, carrying a blur look and muttering words to himself, occasionally passing himself off as a young man and attempting to flirt.
Aged 59 : Receives an advertisement "At the end, you'll find a friend " at a funeral for his conscience
Aged 60 : Fulfills the phrase of "Celment, do that and in 50 years time , you die alone"
In summary, If i were kind , I'd go back in time and give his parents a pamphlet on contraceptives == Anyways, the name "Celment" is entirely fictional. Besides, i hope that there arn't such people in the world.
Once again, if you have any complaints, ask me to remove them and maybe i'll do it if you ask nicely ^^
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